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Unintentional flashback
XerJoff, a prominent brand that stands for (mainstream) luxury in the perfume world. The 100ml bottle of the white lady currently costs a proud 270 euros. Even with the knowledge of the already obscenely high margins in the luxury perfume segment, you would expect a bit of perfume art and quality, wouldn't you?
So when I was able to properly test my first XerJoff, I was looking forward to a full-bodied fragrance experience. Dama Bianca, that sounds elegant, that sounds like high society in a white linen dress on Capri "Take me into a world of glamor and galmour" I whisper softly with my eyes closed and spray.
BAMM ball to the face, two square ball, team selection, the nightmare for any unpopular kid like me. After an hour of sweating and socially acceptable humiliation, off to the changing room. The year is 2006, my classmates and I are around 12, breasts are growing, the first hair is sprouting far from our heads and the completely nonsensical idea that entering puberty is something great still prevails in our heads (poor things, they didn't know what was coming). Proud as punch that mom and dad now allow you to use deodorant and that you're so grown up, they're getting all drizzled up. And what was (still) all the rage in 2006: Impulse Vanilla Kisses deodorant. Just about every 6th grade girl had it and to show that you were really grown up, you had to count to at least 20 while pressing the spray button. Girls who went down gasping and struggling to breathe in the increasingly dense synthetic gag? Never mind, collateral damage, only the tough get into the garden! And only those who can suck 10ml of nebulized Vanilla Kisses on Ex through their nose like a vacuum cleaner with glitter lip gloss without batting an eyelid can call themselves a teenager, according to the prevailing opinion.
I catch my breath and am back in the here and now. I'm shaking a little, the trauma of 12 years of school sports and the general social gauntlet of school days is deep-seated. I try to shake off the unpleasant memory, but the disgusting vanilla deodorant, which I already disliked back then, still sticks to my nose like syrup, where does it come from? Distraught, I search for the source and get stuck on my wrist. No! Oh, yes it is! The luxury perfume actually exudes the most heart-warming charm of this 90s/2000s synthetic vanilla bomb, and in a potency that is the only one that deserves the title of full-bodied.
You have to let that melt in your mouth. You spend 270€ to smell like a 99 cent deodorant (ok 1,15€ actually today).
And it's not even a good deodorant. This disgustingly artificial vanilla, which makes the vanilla-scented candles from the one-euro store smell like freshly scraped pods and which takes all the other fragrances in its stride and wrestles them down like a professional wrestler, was neither great in the peach-colored aluminum can, nor now in the sinfully expensive bottle.
I carefully put the sample in the poison cabinet myself. Maybe a therapist would advise me to work through my school days with it and maybe that would even work and one day I'll be sitting in a cloud of synthetic vanilla with my new BFFs, laughing and thinking "Oh, the world is beautiful". But honestly: I'm not up for it!
So when I was able to properly test my first XerJoff, I was looking forward to a full-bodied fragrance experience. Dama Bianca, that sounds elegant, that sounds like high society in a white linen dress on Capri "Take me into a world of glamor and galmour" I whisper softly with my eyes closed and spray.
BAMM ball to the face, two square ball, team selection, the nightmare for any unpopular kid like me. After an hour of sweating and socially acceptable humiliation, off to the changing room. The year is 2006, my classmates and I are around 12, breasts are growing, the first hair is sprouting far from our heads and the completely nonsensical idea that entering puberty is something great still prevails in our heads (poor things, they didn't know what was coming). Proud as punch that mom and dad now allow you to use deodorant and that you're so grown up, they're getting all drizzled up. And what was (still) all the rage in 2006: Impulse Vanilla Kisses deodorant. Just about every 6th grade girl had it and to show that you were really grown up, you had to count to at least 20 while pressing the spray button. Girls who went down gasping and struggling to breathe in the increasingly dense synthetic gag? Never mind, collateral damage, only the tough get into the garden! And only those who can suck 10ml of nebulized Vanilla Kisses on Ex through their nose like a vacuum cleaner with glitter lip gloss without batting an eyelid can call themselves a teenager, according to the prevailing opinion.
I catch my breath and am back in the here and now. I'm shaking a little, the trauma of 12 years of school sports and the general social gauntlet of school days is deep-seated. I try to shake off the unpleasant memory, but the disgusting vanilla deodorant, which I already disliked back then, still sticks to my nose like syrup, where does it come from? Distraught, I search for the source and get stuck on my wrist. No! Oh, yes it is! The luxury perfume actually exudes the most heart-warming charm of this 90s/2000s synthetic vanilla bomb, and in a potency that is the only one that deserves the title of full-bodied.
You have to let that melt in your mouth. You spend 270€ to smell like a 99 cent deodorant (ok 1,15€ actually today).
And it's not even a good deodorant. This disgustingly artificial vanilla, which makes the vanilla-scented candles from the one-euro store smell like freshly scraped pods and which takes all the other fragrances in its stride and wrestles them down like a professional wrestler, was neither great in the peach-colored aluminum can, nor now in the sinfully expensive bottle.
I carefully put the sample in the poison cabinet myself. Maybe a therapist would advise me to work through my school days with it and maybe that would even work and one day I'll be sitting in a cloud of synthetic vanilla with my new BFFs, laughing and thinking "Oh, the world is beautiful". But honestly: I'm not up for it!
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